Note to self:
See things through.

It’s easy to walk, and give up what you’ve been working on, especially when it starts to stagnate. It’s easy to rationalize why something sucks, and why you shouldn’t continue. It’s easy to just be done with and move on because you dread it, and  it’s really a drag.

These were the things I was thinking, then I had this crazy simple idea to see things through.

See things through to their natural and organic conclusion. Like the Tao Te Ching says ‘when you intervene, you pick a fruit that was almost ripe’. Let stuff come to it’s own head. It’s easy to get up in there and mess with the junk and try to end it, but it’s more rewarding to just wait and let things take their time, and let things come to their own conclusion. That’s not to say that it doesn’t suck to wait, but it’s even possible that if you just see things through and try to find a positive attitude, that things might just flip themselves totally around, and that which looked like it was taking a crap and going south is actually better than ever. I’m just saying, it couldn’t hurt, if the thing is destined to end, then why rush it, let it happen on its own without struggle and resistance. It can’t hurt to just give it a try.

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Truly, no man is an island, but some times the best thing that you can do is as much as you can by yourself. Of course, the sacrifice is that you’re not going to grow as much as you’d like as quickly as you’d like, and you’re doing it alone. However, I would say that sometimes that’s a fair trade off because growth comes with its own sacrifice.

As you grow you’re forced to add more people, more productive ways of doing things, and managing all the perspectives that those new additions bring. Of course, thinking about doing something small-scale only is contrary to the American way, but often times, bigger isn’t better, it’s just more complex and cumbersome.

What’s the happy medium? I would say that the happy medium is doing as much as you can by yourself, and then bringing people in on an as-needed basis, preferably short-term if that can be arranged. This is something that I’ve had to learn the hard way, through experience, both in my corporate work and my creative work.

A quick example: Let’s say you’re the leader of a band, and the group gigs very actively with most of the group making their living from music. One day you have to take a leave for some kind of surgery, that’s going to leave you recovering for awhile unable to go on stage or do lengthy van rides in the back of a Ford Econoline. Your band will feel that it’s your responsibility to get them paying work or to pay them something to maintain their open schedule while you’re out of commission. Sadly, you have to make a choice, cut them loose and try to regroup once you come back to things or pay them something to keep their schedules open, or even try to use your connections to find them work. I’ve done both, but fortunately, I’ve always had small groups.

And I’ve always had a small groups precisely because of this conundrum. You want to have loyal players, and employees, but loyalty is a two-way street.

So again, no man is an island, but the more you can do by yourself the more successful you’ll be simply because you’ll be able to focus more on the work and less on the management of the thing that started with your idea.

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It really could be, but we’ll never know unless we try.

It’s too easy to play it safe. It’s too easy to go with the flow and maintain the status quo. That sucks. It’s boring. What fun is predictable living? Not much really, but unfortunately, the human animal is a creature of habit and too often we’re stuck in the routine, the grind, the minutiae of daily living.

Whatever the reason is, be it fear of failure, fear of success, the unknown, it’s so easy to get caught up in the nets of routine, and then rather than trying to break free just settle in to the mundane details of daily living. At some point in our lives all of us are faced with this reality, and it makes me think of the Charles Bukowski book title What Matters Most Is How Well You Walk Through the Fire. You can’t be alive and avoid the flames of failure, or maybe you can, but man, what a boring and unlived life that would be. Dead man walking.

I say get out there, and fail at lots of stuff, eventually you’ll learn what you’re good at. The magic, the absolutely golden moment, though, is finding that place where your success, and what you’re good at intersect. It’s there my friend, right there, that you’ll find your life’s work.

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We come into working life doing just that, working. Sometimes, though, in the daily grind of trying to make a living and trying to make something happen for ourselves on a personal and professional level little opportunities present themselves.

It’s funny when I think about the work that I do now: electronic communications, Web and multimedia work; such jobs didn’t even exist when I was coming up. I sort of stumbled into what I do.

I was thinking about this a few days ago as I sat at my desk composing music for an internal video I was working on. To think that I’ve had the chance to get into electronic communications, Web, etc… is one thing that I feel really lucky for, but to be able to sit in my cubicle, in a corporate environment in 2009, when a lot of my fellow workers don’t even have jobs, and I get to compose music, man that just blows my mind!

Anyone who reads my posts regularly knows that I’m not prone to gushing optimism, more like cautious realism with slightly pessimistic undertones… But seriously, I, a guy of average intelligence, and not particularly gifted at much of anything, have been able to create these kinds of opportunities for myself.

What’s my point? Here’s the point: In the grind of the day to day it’s easy to lose track of what’s important, it’s easy to lose track of your goals, and your ideas, but if you’re passionate, and care about what you do, man, the universe will meet you half way sometimes, and give you what you’re looking for even if it seemingly comes out of thin air. Truth. Can’t explain it.

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We all ride the Suck Express from time to time. For whatever reason, relationship issues, job troubles, existential angst, whatever… The Suck Express pulls up and we hop on “All aboard…” This is inevitable, we all take the ride, but some stay on this ride longer than others, hell, some stay on the Suck Express for their entire lives, but many reach a point when they’re ready to get off.

Getting on the Suck Express was easy. Usually, we had just taken a sucker punch in the gut from the universe, or a kick in the backside from the cosmos. When things are that bad, the existential cluster f#!k, it’s easy to get on the Suck Express, if only to sit down, and watch life go by for a while. For most of us, though, as we ride our sense of self, and our will to live deteriorates, and there are precious few moments when the joy of life comes through like slivers of light into the darkness. We realize that if we’re ever going to get back into the light, we have get off the Suck Express.

The only station the Suck Express has is the one you get on at. Once you’re on the only way off is with the wind in your face, all that you can carry in your hands and a quick, faithful jump and tumble to the ground below and the hope, the belief in yourself that you’ll clear the wheels of the Suck Express and only end up with some scrapes and bruises.

Don’t think about it, the Suck Express will keep you there forever, when the urge to jump strikes you, even if you can’t take anything with you, jump! Get off the train. Once you’ve decided to get off the Suck Express and you’ve actually done it, you’ll have all you need to do what you need to do.

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It’s human nature to see what other folks are doing and wish for their success or wish our own lives were more like theirs. Our lives have no precedent, that’s what Joseph Campbell used to say. You are who you are, the story of your life is yours and yours alone to create as you go. Sure, you’ll probably still look at folks and envy them or wish you were doing some really cool stuff like they are, but they had to work to get there, and if what they have is something you want then you’ll have to work to get there, too.

It’s also true that some folks make work look so very easy, and I would submit that when you align your work with your life purpose then things definitely come together with greater ease, organically, rather than having to force or manipulate things to get what you want. As well, nothing that you force or manipulate will last so that’s the loser’s game. Let whatever you want to build unfold slowly, take your time with it. There will be times when there’s anxiety, and you have to rush, but when you’re initially trying to go after that goal, that thing you want, plot the course. Often, the course is just an intellectual exercise where you can see the bird’s eye view of what you hope for; this will make you feel better. But the universe makes the rules, and can both increase and decrease the rate at which our plan unfolds. We don’t have control over much, but the plan helps the self feel like it’s running the show.

Stay focused on the end goal, but enjoy the work, the ride, the process, because all we have is now. If you’re not enjoying the now, the actual work of getting to that end goal then you’ll lose interest and after a while abandon the goal. This is the hardest part to starting anything, but also the most important part. The goal becomes ancillary or just an extra bonus to the work.

Don’t set goals around work you don’t enjoy (really enjoy, can’t wait to do it kind of enjoyment!) otherwise you’ll give up the next time you see something that somebody has and you want. Also, take your time; life is short, but time is relative, there’s good time and bad time. If you’re immersed in something that you love doing that’s good time, and it will fly by, even while you’re “taking your time” with the endeavor.

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Or as a plaque in my grandfather’s office read: Don’t let the bastards grind you down. You can read more about the origin of the quote here. The funny thing about that is that I read that quote so many times through my childhood that I started to use it whenever people were in a bad spot, or a tough position. The earliest that I can remember using it was when I was 13 in my first band, and a friend was having trouble with his parents, and unable to make practice.

I don’t recall my father or my grandfather ever saying that quote to me, or around me, but I certainly remember that plaque that hung in my grandfather’s office. I would say that quote is as timely as ever now. It’s easier than ever to take a look around at unemployment, bankruptcies, home foreclosures, and think it’s someoneelse’s fault. Somebody else is to blame for my situation, or my predicament, but the only thing that we can control is ourselves, and to some extent our situation.

I believe that through attitude, and foresight we can create the trajectory for our life. If we want to be bummed out, rejected, and unhappy with what life gives us, we can, but we’re in charge of that. That’s not to say that this is about some kind of happy, happy, joy, joy affirmation perspective, but it is to say that if we want to ride the suck express, then all aboard, because there’s always room. However, it’s the hope train to tomorrow that’s going to get you off on the right foot and creating a trajectory that’s going to keep you moving forward towards life-enhancing opportunity and joy.

In fact, that’s one of the craziest things that I’ve noticed in life. When I start doing something, and I’m working at it, the endeavor takes on a life of its own. It becomes less about you and more about taking care of the thing that you’ve created. The first couple times I realized this it threw me, because I was on a trip and I wanted to get off. Sometimes, though, there’s no getting off. You have to ride the whole trip. Which, on the one hand, prevents you from beingwishy -washy with the things you build, but on the other hand a sort of synergy is created where the process of what you’re doing intersects with some kind of unseen energy, or current that just keeps flowing out from the thing you created.

The take-away is that if you want to put yourself on a positive life trajectory then be prepared to build something. Even through the tough times, don’t let the bastards grind you down, and eventually things will take off on their own.

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I walked out to where me and other guy would be working and sat atop a mound of soil that I had created the week before. I was fuming and just sat there in the early morning August sun, silent. The guy was working and he sensed my agitation, introduced himself, and asked what was wrong. We talked for a few minutes, but I didn’t really have much to say. I had no plan, and no prospects, and I was not only being cheated, but also taken advantage of. I had nothing. Knowing this I carried on for a few more days, and earned back the time to pay for the sessions, and earn enough time for another session, but the elderly southern gentleman, while old, was no dummy and quite an astute conniver. He knew I had no prospects and he kept sticking me up and holding the training hostage. It was starting to feel like indentured servitude, and pretty soon I would owe him more than he owed me according to his relative method of accounting.

After another couple weeks of this routine and horrific training, I had enough. I walked out of the training and into the office of the elderly southern gentleman. I didn’t know what I would say, or do, because I was young, and Detroit was a small town. Word in the A/V business could travel fast. I collected myself the best I could, and told him that I would be discontinuing the training. He gave me a lot of trouble, told me that he had set aside a place for me, and all this and that. I told him, that I would have to respectfully decline. I also told him that by my estimate he owed $50 and that I wanted to square up. He told me that he didn’t have any money and that I should be paying him for the privilege. I asked if he needed to go to the office or an ATM and get cash. He told me I would take a check for a lesser amount, I told him that I wouldn’t. He told me that I was ungrateful. I insisted that I be paid for my time. He told me I did a bad job and deserved nothing.

He tried every attempt at breaking me down. The elderly southern gentleman with his white suits and black cain, looking like some kind of senior knock-off, Leon Redbone kept up his act, until finally he told me that I was making a big mistake by leaving his employ and that word of my not completing things would catch up with me. He pulled two twenties and two fives from his wallet and threw them on the floor in front of me. I was broke. Not missing a beat, I picked them up and shot out his door in a single motion.

At the time, with no prospects and no opportunities, and also being young, I had no idea what I was doing. He may have been right for all I knew, but it didn’t matter. I had to make the choice. I had to do what was right for me. In the end, I never did break into A/V in Detroit, and not long after that I took a job as an administrative assistant. Work wasn’t great, but I did get to work with computers, pay was good, and I wasn’t sweating in the hot sun. While I don’t know how things would have turned out if I had stayed, things certainly have been better for leaving, even if it did take a long time to reconcile that.

Do you have any stories like this? I’d like start a featuring stories like this, contact me with your ideas.

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All throughout our lives we’re faced with situations. Most of these situations don’t require much, perhaps some research, advice from parents or colleagues who’ve had to make similar choices before. We evaluate what’s before us and we make a decision to move forward. These are the easiest situations to deal with. However, sometimes, thankfully not all that often, situations arise where there’s nobody to offer advice, and your only guide is your personal ethical and moral compass. These are situations where you really have to sit yourself down and evaluate what you’re faced with and how it may or may not affect your life down the road. These kinds of circumstances almost always test your integrity, because there’s usually something fundamental and core to your being that’s at question.

The tenuous relationship between you and your integrity is the feeling when you’re at the crossroads of something in your life that’s big or has the possibility of becoming something very large if you don’t act swiftly and decisively. In situations like this there’s almost always a component sacrifice or loss that comes with doing what you know is right, but is neither comfortable or very appealing. It’s the conflicted feeling that is the tenuous relationship between you and integrity.

I remember one time, early in my career, as I was working trying to break into the corporate video business in Detroit. The economy was in the toilet, and there was a lot of desperation. The desperation became most apparent whenever I showed up to interviews. I was fresh out of broadcasting school, I had a pretty good reel, and I was still there like all the other new upstarts groveling at the feet of studio and post house owners trying to get any kind of job, even a coffee boy, that might allow the opportunity to get a foot in the door. After nearly a year and a half of interviews and few prospects I met an elderly southern gentleman (I say gentleman sarcastically, because he was no gentleman at all, but we’ll get to that) who was willing to give me a chance, but there was a catch… Isn’t there always?

He would give me a chance to work in his studio and actually work on the gear, but he’d only do it in exchange for me landscaping his house. The closest I had ever gotten to landscaping had been planting a tree when I was in the Cub Scouts. I explained this to him with the hope that he would have mercy and cut me some slack, and just let me in. Ha! No such luck, the elderly southern gentleman was willing to teach me. So the next day, on a hot August morning, I showed up with a thermos of water and two bologna sandwiches. The deal was for every eight hours I worked I could earn $40 that would be put towards a special studio program that he had worked out with his son, who actually ran the studio. And the $40 for studio time actually came out to only two hours of studio learning with the “chance” — I have to put chance in big fat air quotes — that I could get an opportunity to participate in a shoot or work in the audio studio, for free of course, but the chance to practice my craft. So let’s review, eight hours of labor for $40 that could be put towards two hours of studio time that *might* lead to a chance to actually do A/V work for free as an intern. It was a horrible deal, but I was desperate and hopeful. Sometimes, hope is all you have especially when you’re desperate. I sweated it out for several weeks, working roughly four days a week that culminated in a six hour studio learning time session each Friday. The lessons were not good. The yahoo son of the elderly southern gentleman was a washed up rock and roller who landed on the wrong side of the coke spoon too many times, and his feathered hair, straight from a Journey cover group, being tossed about as he covered the most basic aspects of audio, was doing little for me.

Still hopeful and still desperate, the first week-earned session had ended. Time to start back up again on Monday accruing more learning time. When I got to the site on Monday I noticed two things. First off, there was a guy already there, working, and a lot of the work that I had done the week before had been undone. I went to the office and asked the bleery-eyed elderly southern gentleman what happend to the work I did all last week. As he wiped the sleep from his eyes he told me that I hadn’t’ done a good job and he had gone and redone it himself… There wasn’t much to the job, it was mostly spending the day bent over pulling weeds and rocks out of a small field of which I had accrued nearly 15 wheel barrows full by week’s end. This guy was probably 90 years old, seriously, no joke, so I just stood there agog imagining this old man doing that back-breaking work. He told me that he apprised the new upstart of the project and that moving forward I would have company. He then went on to tell me that he would dock me for all of the previous week’s time, and so effectively, I was working to pay back the session of the previous Friday. I became smoking hot, and started to argue with him. He held all the cards. I walked out.

To be continued on Wednesday, 09/30/09…

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Good morning.

Some people say money won’t make you happy.

But I say (stolen from Keith P) Everything is funny with a pocketful of money.

Does happy make u money??

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