But, decisions are made for us a lot more often than we care to acknowledge. Sure, we make choices, come to conclusions, take action and work at things that makes us believe that we’re running the show, but truly the path, the direction, the trajectory of our lives seems to be handed to us in a series of small choices from the cosmos, whether we’re even aware of it or not; a left turn when we would have gone right, a stop when we felt like starting, a risk when we wanted to play it safe.

Awareness isn’t the key here, though, I would say that the key is not submitting to the fact that the cosmos guides our life direction, but rather how we deal with the circumstances, how we deal with the trajectory, do we resist or move with the current of life to some end that we can neither conceive or imagine, to an outcome that is uniquely ours. I hope that I am able to stay with the current of life, somehow,  so far, that’s been so much more than anything I could have conceived or imagined.

You don’t have to take the challenge; it’s easier not to. However, just as it’s easier not to, it’s also less satisfying to be alive, somehow. The way I see it, you might as well make the most out of this life and go for it.

Take the challenge.

No matter what the outcome is you’ll be glad you did it. You tried something when it would have been easier to do nothing; you’ve pushed the limits of who you are. Where would you be if you didn’t take the challenge?

My experience is that collaboration can be very difficult, if not impossible, if a group isn’t working towards the same plan or goal.

A group or team can attempt to move forward without a plan or a clear set of goals, but the outcome, if any, isn’t likely to be very good or successful, and probably pretty painful.

Every group or team is different, complete with conflicting personalities, ideas, motivations and beliefs. I believe this kind of diversity makes the best kind of team, but if there isn’t a plan or goal to focus on, successful collaboration will be impossible, the differences will be emphasized rather than the common goals; chaos and piss-off will ensue.

I’ve experienced this many times, and I can’t believe how many collaboration and/or project managers still don’t understand this. The plan or goal will allow people to move past conflicts and differences towards successful completion of goals.

It really could be, but we’ll never know unless we try.

It’s too easy to play it safe. It’s too easy to go with the flow and maintain the status quo. That sucks. It’s boring. What fun is predictable living? Not much really, but unfortunately, the human animal is a creature of habit and too often we’re stuck in the routine, the grind, the minutiae of daily living.

Whatever the reason is, be it fear of failure, fear of success, the unknown, it’s so easy to get caught up in the nets of routine, and then rather than trying to break free just settle in to the mundane details of daily living. At some point in our lives all of us are faced with this reality, and it makes me think of the Charles Bukowski book title What Matters Most Is How Well You Walk Through the Fire. You can’t be alive and avoid the flames of failure, or maybe you can, but man, what a boring and unlived life that would be. Dead man walking.

I say get out there, and fail at lots of stuff, eventually you’ll learn what you’re good at. The magic, the absolutely golden moment, though, is finding that place where your success, and what you’re good at intersect. It’s there my friend, right there, that you’ll find your life’s work.

Or as a plaque in my grandfather’s office read: Don’t let the bastards grind you down. You can read more about the origin of the quote here. The funny thing about that is that I read that quote so many times through my childhood that I started to use it whenever people were in a bad spot, or a tough position. The earliest that I can remember using it was when I was 13 in my first band, and a friend was having trouble with his parents, and unable to make practice.

I don’t recall my father or my grandfather ever saying that quote to me, or around me, but I certainly remember that plaque that hung in my grandfather’s office. I would say that quote is as timely as ever now. It’s easier than ever to take a look around at unemployment, bankruptcies, home foreclosures, and think it’s someoneelse’s fault. Somebody else is to blame for my situation, or my predicament, but the only thing that we can control is ourselves, and to some extent our situation.

I believe that through attitude, and foresight we can create the trajectory for our life. If we want to be bummed out, rejected, and unhappy with what life gives us, we can, but we’re in charge of that. That’s not to say that this is about some kind of happy, happy, joy, joy affirmation perspective, but it is to say that if we want to ride the suck express, then all aboard, because there’s always room. However, it’s the hope train to tomorrow that’s going to get you off on the right foot and creating a trajectory that’s going to keep you moving forward towards life-enhancing opportunity and joy.

In fact, that’s one of the craziest things that I’ve noticed in life. When I start doing something, and I’m working at it, the endeavor takes on a life of its own. It becomes less about you and more about taking care of the thing that you’ve created. The first couple times I realized this it threw me, because I was on a trip and I wanted to get off. Sometimes, though, there’s no getting off. You have to ride the whole trip. Which, on the one hand, prevents you from beingwishy -washy with the things you build, but on the other hand a sort of synergy is created where the process of what you’re doing intersects with some kind of unseen energy, or current that just keeps flowing out from the thing you created.

The take-away is that if you want to put yourself on a positive life trajectory then be prepared to build something. Even through the tough times, don’t let the bastards grind you down, and eventually things will take off on their own.

I walked out to where me and other guy would be working and sat atop a mound of soil that I had created the week before. I was fuming and just sat there in the early morning August sun, silent. The guy was working and he sensed my agitation, introduced himself, and asked what was wrong. We talked for a few minutes, but I didn’t really have much to say. I had no plan, and no prospects, and I was not only being cheated, but also taken advantage of. I had nothing. Knowing this I carried on for a few more days, and earned back the time to pay for the sessions, and earn enough time for another session, but the elderly southern gentleman, while old, was no dummy and quite an astute conniver. He knew I had no prospects and he kept sticking me up and holding the training hostage. It was starting to feel like indentured servitude, and pretty soon I would owe him more than he owed me according to his relative method of accounting.

After another couple weeks of this routine and horrific training, I had enough. I walked out of the training and into the office of the elderly southern gentleman. I didn’t know what I would say, or do, because I was young, and Detroit was a small town. Word in the A/V business could travel fast. I collected myself the best I could, and told him that I would be discontinuing the training. He gave me a lot of trouble, told me that he had set aside a place for me, and all this and that. I told him, that I would have to respectfully decline. I also told him that by my estimate he owed $50 and that I wanted to square up. He told me that he didn’t have any money and that I should be paying him for the privilege. I asked if he needed to go to the office or an ATM and get cash. He told me I would take a check for a lesser amount, I told him that I wouldn’t. He told me that I was ungrateful. I insisted that I be paid for my time. He told me I did a bad job and deserved nothing.

He tried every attempt at breaking me down. The elderly southern gentleman with his white suits and black cain, looking like some kind of senior knock-off, Leon Redbone kept up his act, until finally he told me that I was making a big mistake by leaving his employ and that word of my not completing things would catch up with me. He pulled two twenties and two fives from his wallet and threw them on the floor in front of me. I was broke. Not missing a beat, I picked them up and shot out his door in a single motion.

At the time, with no prospects and no opportunities, and also being young, I had no idea what I was doing. He may have been right for all I knew, but it didn’t matter. I had to make the choice. I had to do what was right for me. In the end, I never did break into A/V in Detroit, and not long after that I took a job as an administrative assistant. Work wasn’t great, but I did get to work with computers, pay was good, and I wasn’t sweating in the hot sun. While I don’t know how things would have turned out if I had stayed, things certainly have been better for leaving, even if it did take a long time to reconcile that.

Do you have any stories like this? I’d like start a featuring stories like this, contact me with your ideas.

All throughout our lives we’re faced with situations. Most of these situations don’t require much, perhaps some research, advice from parents or colleagues who’ve had to make similar choices before. We evaluate what’s before us and we make a decision to move forward. These are the easiest situations to deal with. However, sometimes, thankfully not all that often, situations arise where there’s nobody to offer advice, and your only guide is your personal ethical and moral compass. These are situations where you really have to sit yourself down and evaluate what you’re faced with and how it may or may not affect your life down the road. These kinds of circumstances almost always test your integrity, because there’s usually something fundamental and core to your being that’s at question.

The tenuous relationship between you and your integrity is the feeling when you’re at the crossroads of something in your life that’s big or has the possibility of becoming something very large if you don’t act swiftly and decisively. In situations like this there’s almost always a component sacrifice or loss that comes with doing what you know is right, but is neither comfortable or very appealing. It’s the conflicted feeling that is the tenuous relationship between you and integrity.

I remember one time, early in my career, as I was working trying to break into the corporate video business in Detroit. The economy was in the toilet, and there was a lot of desperation. The desperation became most apparent whenever I showed up to interviews. I was fresh out of broadcasting school, I had a pretty good reel, and I was still there like all the other new upstarts groveling at the feet of studio and post house owners trying to get any kind of job, even a coffee boy, that might allow the opportunity to get a foot in the door. After nearly a year and a half of interviews and few prospects I met an elderly southern gentleman (I say gentleman sarcastically, because he was no gentleman at all, but we’ll get to that) who was willing to give me a chance, but there was a catch… Isn’t there always?

He would give me a chance to work in his studio and actually work on the gear, but he’d only do it in exchange for me landscaping his house. The closest I had ever gotten to landscaping had been planting a tree when I was in the Cub Scouts. I explained this to him with the hope that he would have mercy and cut me some slack, and just let me in. Ha! No such luck, the elderly southern gentleman was willing to teach me. So the next day, on a hot August morning, I showed up with a thermos of water and two bologna sandwiches. The deal was for every eight hours I worked I could earn $40 that would be put towards a special studio program that he had worked out with his son, who actually ran the studio. And the $40 for studio time actually came out to only two hours of studio learning with the “chance” — I have to put chance in big fat air quotes — that I could get an opportunity to participate in a shoot or work in the audio studio, for free of course, but the chance to practice my craft. So let’s review, eight hours of labor for $40 that could be put towards two hours of studio time that *might* lead to a chance to actually do A/V work for free as an intern. It was a horrible deal, but I was desperate and hopeful. Sometimes, hope is all you have especially when you’re desperate. I sweated it out for several weeks, working roughly four days a week that culminated in a six hour studio learning time session each Friday. The lessons were not good. The yahoo son of the elderly southern gentleman was a washed up rock and roller who landed on the wrong side of the coke spoon too many times, and his feathered hair, straight from a Journey cover group, being tossed about as he covered the most basic aspects of audio, was doing little for me.

Still hopeful and still desperate, the first week-earned session had ended. Time to start back up again on Monday accruing more learning time. When I got to the site on Monday I noticed two things. First off, there was a guy already there, working, and a lot of the work that I had done the week before had been undone. I went to the office and asked the bleery-eyed elderly southern gentleman what happend to the work I did all last week. As he wiped the sleep from his eyes he told me that I hadn’t’ done a good job and he had gone and redone it himself… There wasn’t much to the job, it was mostly spending the day bent over pulling weeds and rocks out of a small field of which I had accrued nearly 15 wheel barrows full by week’s end. This guy was probably 90 years old, seriously, no joke, so I just stood there agog imagining this old man doing that back-breaking work. He told me that he apprised the new upstart of the project and that moving forward I would have company. He then went on to tell me that he would dock me for all of the previous week’s time, and so effectively, I was working to pay back the session of the previous Friday. I became smoking hot, and started to argue with him. He held all the cards. I walked out.

To be continued on Wednesday, 09/30/09…

Try everything and don’t be afraid to fail. That’s sort of been the mission statement of my life. No matter what amount of suck and inconvenience has been thrown my way, and no matter how many times I’ve had to alter the plan. When you’re building something that you want to succeed whether it’s a business, a band, or a book club, you have to keep evaluating, improving and most importantly moving with failure (and it’s avoidance) foremost in your mind.

Some people will tell you that failure is a state of mind, and you can’t even consider it. I think that’s crap. Imagine you’re running towards a cliff, but you’re in a state of great joy and optimism, wouldn’t you rather maintain your joy and optimism and avoid going over the cliff’s edge to your death? Hell, maybe some wouldn’t, but I would and you probably would, too. So I think that you have to be mindful of failure, and through evaluation and improvement you move away from failure. But to say failure is just a state of mind, and dismiss it, much like a lot of folks only want to hear the bright side of things, is just foolish… and yes ignorance is bliss, but when you’re out there trying to make a go of something you don’t have the luxury of ignorance because you’ve made a decision that you’re going for it, because the status quo just isn’t working for you. To that I say right on!

The best investment you can make is your in self. That’s what I’ve taken to telling myself and the countless family and friends who have been laid off, and after months of being on unemployment aren’t seeing any real opportunities coming their way. “It’s one thing if there are interviews,” one friend told me, “but when you don’t even have the hope of that after hours and hours of job hunting, it gets kind of depressing.” Yes, yes it does, I agree with that.

I’ve been laid off probably seven times, usually from small businesses, who were on their way out of business. I recall one job as a graphic designer where the electricity was turned off, and I lost all of an intense (and ill-advised) Photoshop layout, over one hundred and fifty layers. When the bill was finally paid and the electricity was turned back on I went at it again, and you know what it was a better design and came together more quickly, but that’s hardly the moral of the story, because in fact I was laid off a month later… didn’t see that one coming — HA!.

Being laid off sucks! It diminishes your self-worth, poisons your outlook on life, makes you resentful, and generally is just a sad time; unfortunately these feelings only intensify proportionate to the time you’re without a job or the hope of any kind of gainful employment. The suck train just keeps a rollin’… until you reach a point where you either crack, roll over and give up, or you decide that you’re not going to be a victim of bad times and you need to take control of the only thing you can, yourself. It’s no surprise that more millionaires were made during the Great Depression than any other time. The fight or flight instincts take over, and you decide I’m going to do fix this, I can do this for myself, and you do. You do, because the best investment you can make is in yourself!

Certainly, it’s a generational thing, or maybe just a communications preference, but for me, I just don’t like talking on the phone like I did when I was a teenager or in the early years of cell phone ownership. Send me an email. Email is unobtrusive, and allows for the most basic relay of data. I can respond at my leisure. I can organize my thoughts, and put them out there in front of me before committing to them. I can have a record of what I sent, because you never know when you might need a record of what you’ve said. Unlike phone calls from strangers, where I hang up almost immediately, I seriously consider and think about email propositions from strangers. Email just works really well. Sure there are folks who talk about the death of email by texting, and texting, sometimes, is an even more basic relay of data, especially when lenghty thoughtful statements aren’t needed, but that’s for another post. Bottom line: Send me an email, and I’ll guarantee that I’ll read it; entice me and I might even respond.